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I don't know how to act around famous people, which was proven yet again when I ran into Dan Auerbach this morning. Allow me to set the scene. Rewind 4 hours. I'm coaching a Potato To Tomato training run at Shelby Bottoms. In the rain. Heidi & I do our first training ride (5 miles). In the rain. Then we go to Barista Parlor, soaked from head to toe.
A few weeks ago, Dan Auerbach was at the same place I was for lunch, but I didn't notice him. So I've spent the past 2-ish weeks rehearsing what I would have said had I seen him. I honestly didn't think I'd actually ever run into him, but this morning I totes did & when opportunity knocks, you open the fucking door.
So I'm sitting at Barista with Heidi & Andy & we've been there awhile. We're actually about to leave, but it's a monsoon outside so we're waiting on it to let up, now that we're somewhat dry. In walks Dan Auerbach. I don't even know that I saw him so much as some internal signal alerting me to his presence commandeered my muscular system & turned my head in his direction. At which point, I whisper-shout, "OHMYGODITSDANAUERBACH!"
Having spent the last few weeks rehearsing this very scenario, I spring into action. I grab my purse, open my wallet & take out one of John's business cards. I take my empty coffee mug, pretend to put sugar & cream in it & then casually walk past him, back to my seat. As I pass him, I stop & say, "Hey, I'm Kim & I'm going to do something totally inappropriate & give you my husband's business card. He's a mastering engineer."
Dan: Oh, cool, thanks. (Looks at card) Oh! I actually have this guy's card. He's been in my studio.
Kim: Yeah, I think he has. Cool! Well, who do you guys use for mastering?
Dan: We use a good friend of ours back in Columbus, Ohio - Brian Lucey at Magic Garden.
Kim: Of course you do. 10-4. Well, if you ever need someone local, my husband is awesome. Thanks! Love your music! HUGE fan!
Dan: Thanks.
Then we leave & I get in the car, see myself & realize how batshit crazy I look. Also, I had had so much coffee that I was virtually vibrating. A slow chill makes its way through my body as I realize that Mr. Auerbach & I probably have completely different versions of what just went down. The scenario described above is how I remember it, but this is probably what actually happened:
Kim: OMGYOU'REDANAUERBACHHELLOHIHEY!!!
Dan: Hi.... (DANGER! DANGER! Are those snake eyes on her fingers? What's her sweatshirt say, East Nasty?)
Kim: ALLCAPSJIBBERISHINHIGHPITCHEDSQUEAL
Dan: Thank you! But I already have that card. (Please don't hurt me. Did she just fill an empty coffee cup with cream & sugar water? Should I give her money? Is she selling one of those papers?)
Kim: MOREHIGHPITCHEDJIBBERISH
Dan: Great, thanks! (Please go away; please go away.)
Kim: (Crazy awkward, unnatural smile! ALL TEETH!)
And... scene.
Dan, if you're reading this, & why wouldn't you be, I'm sorry for scaring you. I was just excited, over-caffeinated & had been outside in the rain for 3 hours. I'm usually fairly normal. And I promise to leave you alone if you do ever hire my husband to master your album, which you should, by the way.
Kisses!